I was just reading the Vanity Fair article about Ken Starr and how he swindled so many A listers out of their money, by creating fake investments, conning them to turn over power of attorney to him and by manipulating their books. It got me thinking about how insidious this disease of rescuing is and how pervasive it is on my own financial dealings.
As a rescuer, I seduce people into believing a fantasy. I sense what they need and I position myself as the one person who can deliver that, even if I know it’s bullshit. Once I get them hooked and committed, I go about abusing them by taking advantage of the situation, never fully delivering what I promised. All of this is motivated by a belief that I need them to rescue me. YES both dynamics are happening simultaneously. “You rescue me and I’ll rescue you.”
As a rescuer I believe that I can’t meet my needs without the assistance of someone else, but the kicker is that I somehow believe that “someone else” has to do it for me. This makes it easy to justify being “a bit” dishonest with the “someone else” to get what I need. This dishonesty grows over time, since we all know addiction is progressive.
The good news, is I’m beginning to see it in my own behavior which means I can begin to identify it in others. This knowledge is helping meet my need to be healthy and successful in my recovery and my financial dealings.